I'm not sure where I should even begin. This blog really should have began 4 years ago. That is when the whirlwind started. We boarded the crazy train and haven't been able to get off! I need a platform to share about the reality of foster care and adoption. The things no one tells you. The things you don't learn in your trainings. It's messy. So dang messy.
I have no regrets though. Choosing to do foster care has been the craziest adventure we have ever been on. We have been humbled beyond belief. Broken hearted with full, bursting hearts all at the same time. We have loved humans we never thought we could love. It's been sad and tragic and wonderful, and can change by the hour. This journey has tested my faith but also made it so much stronger.
The recent events have left me feeling like I've been in the twilight zone. So many thoughts and emotions. I can't really explain how I feel. But the reality of everything has hit me hard that there will be difficult conversations in the future with my boys.
A short background:
3 years ago we got our first foster placement, an 8 week old boy. We ended up adopting him. In mid December of 2017 we found out he would have a full biological brother that may need placement. The bios ended up deciding they wanted us to adopt this baby also. Fast forward a few months. He's now 5 months old and this case has been very calm and uneventful. It has surprisingly progressed quickly.
Until Sunday.
I got a text message that the bio dad took his own life. It was really unexpected. Lots of thoughts go through your mind.
How is bio mom dealing with it? Is she ok?
How do I explain this to my boys some day?
How does this change the case? Will it delay it?
What if bio mom comes back here and prolongs the case?
What if, what if, what if???
And feeling a lot of grief and sorrow. It's tragic. It's heartbreaking. To feel that that is the only way out. And for the bio mom who has literally lost everything. He was her everything. She gave up her own flesh and blood to be with him and has lost so much. I don't know. It is still not real. I often think "how did we get here again"? Because most days my boys feel like they are a part of us, like there was never bios. Like somehow we got sucked into the crazy family of theirs. It doesn't "feel" like they are adopted. They were always meant to be ours and I am sure of that.
I hope to start from the beginning soon. And share our whole story. And the story that is yet to come.
Many Blessings,
Denise
